I’m currently going through the writer blues. Confidence is
falling by the wayside.
I’ve spent a large part of the day mulling over a decision
regarding the future of my writing and wondering what I’m really trying to do.
My obstacles derive from three sources.
STRANDED ON A DESERTED
ISLAND
Writing is lonely. It sounds obvious; everyone has that image
of an author sat behind their desk typing away until the early hours of the
morning. We’re regarded as reclusive control freaks who are just a little bit
crazy.
Technology has changed this a little in the last couple of
years and writers from the four corners of the globe are now able to chat,
assist and share their work without having to leave the comfort of those desks
they love so much. There are online writing groups, blogs and social media apps
to help bond people with similar interests.
And yet I still don’t seem to have anyone I’m really able to talk
to about writing.
Last year I joined a ten week evening class on creative
writing and it was amazing. After that awkward first session where everyone
mumbles and protects their stories with a passion I found I was among a really
great group of people. Each week we all gained confidence and became eager to
share our projects with each other. I grew to respect both my fellow student’s
and my teacher’s opinion with regards to what I was writing. It wasn’t always
positive and that was great.
But now I don’t know how I’m doing. Even this blog, despite
crossing 3000 views yesterday, feels like it’s lost in the darkest regions of
the galaxy, drifting among the twinkling pin pricks, lost to anyone’s
attention.
TOO MUCH, TOO SOON
Image from www.chewonthatblog.com
When I started this back in February I thought that December
was a reasonable target to get a single project released as an e-book. Ten
months seemed like a gift if I was only going to limit myself to getting just
seven short stories bundled together in a nice package and jettisoned out into
the world.
But I forgot one simple ingredient in the recipe; me.
Up until February I had accumulated thirty four and a half
years of experience as to what I’m like as a person. I have a minute attention
span, I’m fickle like you wouldn’t believe and I have a million new ideas a day
arriving in my brain.
So did I really think I could stick to one thing and get it
done? You bet I did.
Do I deserve a slap in the face with a cold, wet fish because
of that naivety? You bet I do.
So far this year I’ve attempted to work on seven short
pieces, enter several writing competitions, start a novella that wasn’t even on
the radar, add book reviews to the blog, add a weekly flash fiction challenge
to my repertoire (with plans to join another if they’ll have me) and start a
whole new epic project that I want to get off the ground come January.
(Greed + Impatience) – Restraint = #@!%$
And now that were nearing October, as the nights grow colder,
what have I got to show for it? Nowt, unless you include the blog and that just
shows people what not to do.
LEAVE YOUR BRAIN AT
HOME
This is the worst of the three and it’s going to sound needy
but just hear me out.
You see, when I really think about it . . . I’m not a very
good writer.
The best way to explain what I mean by this is to compare my
stories to movies. When I come up with an idea, be it short fiction or novel
length, I see it in my mind like it was on an IMAX screen with Dolby Surround (I’ve
mentioned before how I sometimes use movie soundtracks to plan a ‘trailer’ version
of my stories before writing them).
I, like many writers, would love to write that Oscar winning
film that draws the crowds and gets people talking; the one that has amazing
characters, quotable dialogue and a deep, twisting plot with something to really
say about the world we live in.
What actually comes out is DTV nonsense with paper thin
characters, clichéd dialogue and no plot (or subplots) to be seen. It’s all big
explosions, crazy action and predictable events.
I see competition winner’s work and it’s amazing. Never have I
thought that someone didn’t deserve their place as number one. It’s that moment
when I take a fresher look at my work and see how empty and basic it is.
SO, WHAT NOW?
Photo by Daran Kandasamy
I guess that leaves me kind of floating in a void. I would
like to say what I want to do next but that hasn’t worked out so well in the
past.
I guess we’ll just have to see where I am come December 31st.
How about you guys? Anyone out there going through the same
hic-cup in confidence? Perhaps you’re suffering a feeling of solitude too? Or maybe
you’re just struggling to get feedback on your current project? Would love to
hear from you.
Until then I’m going off to learn self-control and make some
friends.
See you in seven.
I am definitely with you on the confidence thing. Actually, I'm with you with pretty much this whole post. But I have such a hard time coming up with new ideas. It's very rare. And I always have that feeling that my writing isn't good enough even though I want it to blow people's minds. Oh well. We should just keep writing, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteThat we should. Thank you for you comment.
ReplyDeleteI read your 'Book Realization' posts and it sounded like you'd taken a pretty big knock. I know it didn't turn out how you wanted but points to you for making the effort to even push your work out their. Glad you bounced back and good luck for November.
What doesn't kill us , and all that.